How to be yourself while you’re still figuring it out
There’s a moment—sometimes lots of moments—when you catch yourself thinking: Who even am I? Maybe you’re scrolling through someone’s feed, hearing your friends talk like they have everything figured out, or feeling the pressure to be “that girl”—the confident one, the funny one, the cool one.
But what if you’re not sure yet? What if you’re still experimenting with who you are, what you like, what you care about, or how you want to show up?
That’s not a flaw. That’s not something to fix.
That’s part of the process.
Being yourself doesn’t mean having all the answers. It means learning how to listen to the parts of you that are real—and giving yourself the space to grow into the rest.
You Don’t Have to Pick a Label to Know Who You Are
Sometimes it feels like everyone is choosing a box to fit into: the athlete, the artist, the academic, the leader, the quiet one, the loud one. And sure, labels can make you feel understood—but they can also make you feel trapped.
If you’re not ready to define yourself, you don’t have to. Identity isn’t a final destination—it’s more like a playlist that gets updated as you go.
Let yourself try new things without needing them to “make sense” right away. Join a club you’re curious about. Wear something you’re drawn to, even if no one else is wearing it. Speak up about something that matters to you, even if it surprises people.
Being yourself doesn’t mean staying the same forever. It means showing up honestly, even as you evolve.
Start Paying Attention to What Feels Like You
Instead of asking, “Who should I be?” try asking, “What feels like me right now?”
Start noticing what pulls you in. What colors you gravitate toward. What music makes you feel like you’re home. What kind of humor makes you laugh until your stomach hurts. What situations make you feel most like yourself—and which ones make you shrink.
This kind of self-awareness is underrated. It helps you make choices that reflect you—not someone else’s version of who you’re supposed to be.
Grab a journal and try this:
What moments from this week made me feel most like myself?
What parts of my day feel draining, and what parts feel energizing?
When do I feel the most free to be real?
Your answers don’t have to be deep. They just have to be honest.
Practice Being Honest
Sometimes we think being ourselves only matters in the big moments—giving a speech, standing up for something, or posting something vulnerable online. But the truth? Being yourself starts with the small stuff.
Like ordering the drink you actually want instead of copying your friend. Or admitting you don’t like a show everyone else is obsessed with. Or saying you’re not in the mood to hang out because you need rest.
When you start choosing honesty in the little things, it gets way easier to be real in the big ones.
Don’t Wait to Be Fully Confident Before You Show Up
You don’t have to wait until you feel 100% confident to express who you are. Confidence isn’t a requirement—it’s a result.
Every time you choose to be yourself, even when it feels awkward or uncertain, you build self-trust. You teach yourself: Hey, I can be real—and still be okay.
Wear the outfit that feels like you, even if it’s different. Raise your hand, even if your voice shakes. Tell someone what matters to you, even if you’re not sure how they’ll respond.
How to Be Yourself Without Feeling Like You’re “Too Much”
One of the trickiest parts of growing into yourself is that sometimes people don’t get it. Maybe your family doesn’t understand why you’re changing. Maybe your friends make side comments when you act differently than usual. Maybe you even second-guess yourself.
Let’s be clear: evolving isn’t betrayal. Outgrowing things doesn’t make you fake. Being passionate, opinionated, soft-spoken, artistic, funny, introverted, extra, or any combination of those things—doesn’t make you “too much.”
The right people won’t need you to tone it down. They’ll meet you where you are and grow with you.
Try This: The “Real Me” List
This is a quick activity we love at The Girl Lab. It helps you check in with yourself.
Grab a piece of paper and write: “The real me is…”
Without overthinking, jot down whatever comes to mind. Words, phrases, moods, colors, song lyrics, anything.
Don’t edit it. Don’t judge it. Just let it be what it is.
You might end up with something like: “The real me is quiet in crowds, bold in writing, obsessed with sunsets, confused by math, sensitive to tone, goofy with my siblings, still figuring things out.”
This isn’t a bio. It’s a mirror. One that lets you see yourself as a whole person—not a performance.
When You're Figuring It Out in Real Time
You don’t have to know who you are all the time. Seriously. That feeling of “wait, am I even doing this right?” is more common than you think.
Instead of panicking when you're unsure, try getting curious.
Start asking:
What feels right today—even if it didn’t yesterday?
What do I want more of in my life?
What’s something I’ve outgrown, and that’s okay?
Identity isn’t something you find once and keep forever. It’s something you shape by living, trying, feeling, and changing.
So instead of chasing the perfect version of yourself, try paying attention to the real one—right now. Even when she’s in progress. Even when the answers aren’t clear.
The more you notice her, the more you become her.
Let Yourself Surprise You
You don’t have to stick to one version of yourself forever. You’re allowed to be complicated. You’re allowed to be curious. You’re allowed to grow.
Sometimes the best way to discover who you are is to try things that scare you a little. Audition for the play. Start the group chat. Try a new creative project. Tell someone how you really feel.
With each step, you learn a little more about what makes you you.
You’re Allowed to Take Up Space
You might not always feel like the most confident person in the room. That’s okay. You don’t need to be the loudest to be the most powerful. You don’t need to have a five-year plan to be someone worth listening to.
Your presence matters. Your thoughts matter.
You don’t need to shrink or apologize for figuring it out as you go.
So show up. Speak up. Let yourself be seen—even if it’s just by you.
You don’t need permission to be yourself. You just need practice.
Love always,
The Girl Lab Team
